If you listen closely, you can hear the river whisper.

And what does the river say?

I'll tell you what the river says.

"And this bird you cannot change."

That's what this river says, you sonofabitch.

-Thank you, U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service

Dad always said

If you get hosed, you can only blame yourself.

-Thank you, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention

Woody Murray

Few people know that comedians Bill Murray and Woody Allen had a child together in the late 1970s. Among those who do know this fact, only three are aware that he was extremely adept in the use of a Friden calculator.

-Thank you, U.S. Antarctic Program

Our house

Deep in the desert, Luther had spent the last 17 years building his dream house. A dream house that kicked more ass than the law allowed.

Thank you, National Nuclear Security Administration