into the deep

The three ventured deep into the forest on a journey to the great unknown. There was Michael, the biologist, Sabrina, the geography Ph.D. student, and Stanley, their native guide. Stanley always wore a yellow shirt and white sneakers.

-Thank you, National Oceanic & Atmospheric Administration.

Old Violet Rodwell

She never did like being photographed. Something about it stealing her soul.


-Thank you, National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration

It came from the sky

They each held one in their hand. Soon it would be gone.

-Thank you, National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration

Encore

If you listen closely, you can hear the river whisper.

And what does the river say?

I'll tell you what the river says.

"And this bird you cannot change."

That's what this river says, you sonofabitch.

-Thank you, U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service

Dad always said

If you get hosed, you can only blame yourself.

-Thank you, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention

Woody Murray

Few people know that comedians Bill Murray and Woody Allen had a child together in the late 1970s. Among those who do know this fact, only three are aware that he was extremely adept in the use of a Friden calculator.

-Thank you, U.S. Antarctic Program

Our house

Deep in the desert, Luther had spent the last 17 years building his dream house. A dream house that kicked more ass than the law allowed.

Thank you, National Nuclear Security Administration

Visiting nobles

Sometimes the real caption is way better than anything I could ever come up with. Take, for instance:

"Boulder Canyon. The visiting nobles were very much impressed with the size of the project."

-Thank you, Bureau of Reclamation

Into the light

George did not know what drew him into this strange room in this strange place on this strange day.

But as he walked from one room to another, his eyes adjusting to the light, he knew one thing for certain.

Down here that son of a bitch Eisenhower couldn't tell him it was time to mow his lawn.

-Thank you, Bureau of Reclamation

It works

For months Harold had toiled with a soldering iron and some rudimentary tools, putting together what his neighbors referred to mockingly as "his cute little invention." But with one definitive beep, he proved them all wrong. His invention worked. It could tell hay from non-hay. And soon Harold would be a rich man.

-Thank you, Department of Energy.

God Bless It

Dr. Martin Luther King's dream has yet to be fully realized. But each time a hand protruding from a white sleeve shakes a hand protruding from a sleeve of color, we take one step closer to its fulfillment.

Bravo, Land of the Free. Bravo.

-Thank you, National Renewable Energy Laboratory

Weekend reminder

You've been warned.

-Thank you, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention

And she's climbing...

The minute I put down this guitar, I am so gettin' laid.

-Thank you, National Cancer Institute

Statue Garden

There is very little about this picture that doesn't make me sad.

Actually, there is nothing about this picture that doesn't make me sad.

-Thank you, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention

A Cub's Nightmare

We don't like the man with the leather hands. He scares us.

Thank you, U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service

My Instrument

Most people join the Navy out of economic necessity, a sense of duty to country, or a desire to see the world. McMillen joined because he had always wanted to be in a Naval band. This desire, his sister Isabelle would tell you, went back to his childhood growing up near a train depot by the Susquehanna River. There, he'd sit and listen as various travelers would pick a tune on a banjo or whistle as they waited for the No. 26 headed downriver.

But when McMillen got to the Navy, he quickly learned a hard truth. If you wanted to play in the Naval band, you had to pay for your own instrument. McMillen was not a rich man, and he couldn't even afford a jew's harp.

So what did he do? He caught a cat and he played that cat like it was nobody's business. Boy could he make that cat sing.

-Thank you, The Navy

(Editor's Note: Today I am expanding the site to include public domain images from .mil sites.)

Stuckinadangmud

We've almost got it.

Just try rocking it back and forth one more time.

-Thank you, U.S. Department of Agriculture

A Long Drive

Having driven over 1,500 miles to see the Grand Canyon, Brandt and Janelle found that, on the odd day, it can be fogged in. Since Brandt, who was a stickler for time, had only scheduled 3.5 hours to look around, they promptly got in their car and made the return journey home without ever seeing the geological wonder.

When they got back to their house, they found that the neighbor's boy had forgotten to take in their paper and mail. However, their answering machine had two new messages - one from a loan refinancing company and the other from Janelle's college roomate, who she hadn't heard from in almost 13 years.

-Thank you, National Park Service

What's that?

Excuse me.

Did I just hear you whine because I'm giving myself the biggest piece?

Well, I just got back from the moon. And it's my birthday.

What the hell did you do this week?


-Thank you, NASA

Awful sorry

Ma'am, the U.S. Government sincerely apologizes for any harm this crashed dirigible may have done to your flowers. But this is truly and honestly a matter of national security.

-Thank you, National Nuclear Security Administration

Fashionable Miss

Without the Aquasocks, it's just an outfit.

With them, it's fashion.

- Thank you, U.S. Census Bureau

The future is now

According to a conceptual artist from NASA, in the very near future, all female astronauts will look surprisingly like a girl who once dated a conceptual artist from NASA.

-Thank you, NASA

Tranquility

As the sun set, Rutger let go of the giant red triangle and watched as it floated away from him and became the property of the sky.

That night Rutger would sleep well knowing that there was one more triangle up there - always looking down, silently and patiently waiting for it's time to come.

-Thank you, United States Department of Agriculture

Never forget.

There's no basement in the Alamo.

Thank you Deparment of Housing and Urban Development

Thank you. I'll be here all night.

- Watch it bring you to your

Shah-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-

Na-na-na-na knees, knees.

I wanna watch you bleed.

- Thank you, U.S. Antarctic Program

Expensive machinery

Guy on Left: I hope this square knows how to work this thing 'cuz I sure as shit don't.
Guy on Right: Progress shmogress. My feet hurt.

-Thank you, Lawrence Berkeley National Laboratory

Money shot

From the Wikipedia entry for Davidson, Didier:

Didier Davidson was one of the early practitioners of the use of infrared phtographic techniques in adult films.

Here we see a single frame screen grab from one of the 'money shot' montages which brought him great fame and a small fortune in the mid 1970s.

-Thank you, U.S. Geological Survey

Waning sunlight

All great things shall come to pass.

Thank you, National Oceanic and Atmospheric Agency

Nothing...

... to see here.

-Thank you, CDC

Two haikus

I.
I, whitetail buck deer.
Chew clover and look around.
Then walk from the field.

II.
You, whitetail buck deer.
Chew clover and look around.
Not seeing my scope.

- Thank you, U.S. Fish & Wildlife Service

Rasputin?

Guy on Left: Hey.
Guy on Right: What?
Guy on Left: That's ridiculous!
Guy on Right: What?
Guy on Left: It's size, scragliness and overall grossness.
Guy on Right: What is 'it'?
Guy on Left: Your neckbeard.
Together: Hahaha. It's so cold outside.
Guy on Right: (Tear)

-Thank you, U.S. Antarctic Program

GRRRRR!

The fur says:

"I'M CUTE"

but the left eye (my left, not yours) says:

"I'M GIMPY."

-Thank you, U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service